Fostering a child is one of the most selfless and life-changing acts a family can take on. Whether it's a short-term placement or a long-term commitment, foster families open their homes and hearts to children who are navigating incredibly challenging circumstances. As a friend or extended family member, your role in this journey is more important than you might think.
Here’s how you can provide meaningful support — and how to interact compassionately and respectfully with the children in their care.
1. Start with Empathy, Not Assumptions
Every foster child comes with a unique story. Many have experienced trauma, instability, or loss — and their behaviors, emotions, and communication styles often reflect that. Avoid making assumptions about their background or why they are in care. Refrain from asking invasive questions or trying to "figure out" the child’s past.
Instead, offer empathy and understanding. If you're curious or concerned, focus on asking the foster parent how they are doing or how you can help.
2. Offer Practical, Tangible Help
Fostering is emotionally and physically demanding. Small acts of kindness can go a long way:
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Bring meals — especially during the early days of a new placement.
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Offer babysitting (if approved) or respite support. Respite support is county or foster agency approval for longer babysitting periods and overnight stays.
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Help with transportation to appointments or activities.
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Drop off care packages with age-appropriate books, games, clothes, or school supplies (check first for sizing or preferences).
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Invite the family out for inclusive outings — like a park day, picnic, or community event.
These gestures show you care and help reduce the day-to-day stress that comes with fostering.
3. Be Trauma-Informed in Your Interactions
Foster children may behave differently than what you’re used to. Some may be withdrawn; others may test boundaries. It’s important to respond with patience, not discipline or judgment.
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Respect personal space. Not every child will be ready for hugs or close contact.
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Use positive, gentle language. Avoid jokes or teasing, even if well-meant.
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Follow the lead of the foster parent. They’ll know what the child is comfortable with and what behaviors are typical.
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Don’t label or compare. Every child develops at their own pace — especially when healing from trauma.
Your role is to provide a safe, kind, and non-judgmental presence.
4. Support the Foster Parents Emotionally
Foster parenting can be isolating. There are often unique challenges that many outside the system don’t understand, including complicated relationships with birth families, emotional attachment issues, and navigating the legal system.
Be the friend who listens — not the one who offers unsolicited advice or questions their choices. Say things like:
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“I’m so proud of what you're doing.”
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“How can I support you this week?”
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“You’re doing an amazing job, even when it’s hard.”
Sometimes, your emotional presence is the greatest gift you can offer. Providing time and space for the foster parents to be candid and free of judgement while they sort though their own emotions so they can be more emotionally present when with the children day to day.
5. Celebrate Without Pressure
Children in foster care often feel different or left out. When attending birthdays, holidays, or family events, keep things low-pressure and inclusive:
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Avoid asking personal questions in front of others.
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Be sensitive to emotional triggers — holidays can be hard for kids missing their birth families.
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Include them thoughtfully — a small gift, a special seat at the table, or even learning how to pronounce their name correctly can make a huge difference.
Provide Safe Foods — check with foster parents to make sure there is something the children will enjoy, or are not allergic to.
Let the foster child set the pace for how much they want to participate or connect.
6. Educate Yourself
Learn more about foster care, trauma, and child welfare. The more you understand, the better equipped you’ll be to support your loved ones with empathy and insight.
Books, podcasts, and foster parent blogs are great places to start. Some helpful resources include:
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The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis
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Foster Parenting Podcasts
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Foster care organizations in your region
7. Respect Boundaries and Confidentiality
Foster parents are bound by confidentiality laws and often can’t share the full details of a child’s story. Respect that. Don’t push for information they can’t give or gossip about the child’s situation.
Also, be cautious when posting photos or stories on social media. Always ask first — there may be legal restrictions on what can be shared.
Final Thoughts
When a family decides to foster, their entire support system becomes part of that journey. By showing up with love, patience, and an open mind, you’re helping create a safe and stable village around a child who may have never had one before.
Fostering isn't easy — but it's full of opportunities for healing, growth, and transformation. And with your support, foster families don’t have to walk it alone.
If you know someone who is fostering, reach out. Ask what they need. Be there, not just once — but consistently. Because showing up, again and again, is what love really looks like.
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